I want to say I have control of my life, but I am not naive.
I like most Americans stand around like a fawn in headlights waiting for powerful men in suits to pull us out of the way. We starve if commercials dont tell us what to eat. Would we even be attractive to the same people if our world didnt tell us every minute what is attractive?
Today is thanksgiving. Soon it will be Christmas. All this fake holiday cheer and "must have" advertisments always put me in a funk. Dont put me in the Ba-hum-bug catagory just yet. I like many things about the holidays, I just hate the way this country gets around the holidays. Do your kids really need more toys that will go un-played with shoved under their bed where they will be forgotten. Ok.... I am trying not to be bitter..... breathe..... happy thoughts.....ok better.
Family. Isn't that what the holidays are all about? I always wished my family would get together on thanksgiving and Christmas, but my mother had to work and weylin is not a fan of big family celebrations. My family would be great on the holidays: drinking wine and liquors, cracking jokes, discussing politics, eating Italian food. You know how a family should be.
Lately family has meant watching what you say so you don't offend anyone, feeling like an outsider, searching for subjects to relate to, not disclosing any information about my personal life because nobody approves. I don't think that is how a person should feel around family. Granted it cant last like this forever. One day, when the mood is right, I will drop the bomb. I will stand up and say,
"Hey. I am never gonna change. So learn to love me like this. No I am not the same religion as you, but who gives a shit about that. We are family. That means you are stuck we me, as I am stuck with you. I don't feel the need to change you or preach my beliefs to you. All I ask is that you do the same. Don't be offended if I don't think you know all the answers and belong to the one true religion. I don't even believe there is a one true religion. That's right, I admit I don't know the answers. And I LOVE IT. I love not knowing. It allows my mind to be open to everything. So, stop walking on eggshells around me cause I am not going to around you. I choose to live a different lifestyle than you, like most of the world. So unless you plan on living in a cave and never venturing out into society, you need to learn to live with me."
I hope that wasn't too harsh. I love my whole family, but I need to feel some acceptance or I might always hate the holidays.
Sorry for my depressing angry rant... maybe this will cheer you up:
Sorry things are so frustrating right now! Hopefully they'll get better. i know what you are going through though. Do they read your blog?? That would be one way of telling them. :)
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