I walked a mile in their moccasins and would like to apologize.

Although I spent the last 5 days in New Mexico, the land of Native American and Mexican history, this blog is not about them.
What I really did is look back and reflect on myself. NM is such a spiritual place, with all the sacred land, holy cathedrals, and sanctuaries. I feel disappointed in myself. I am so used to my world being so small. Just me. Rarely family and friends come and go so quickly I forgot how to be there for people. And now, after living in Salt Lake for over 3 years, I am afraid of losing people I care about, however I realize, I never did anything to keep them around. I am talking about my new family. Made up of in-laws, friends, and co-workers. I am so used to being alone that I don't know how to treat the people that have my back. WWSFAD. What would saint Francis of Assisi do? He would get excited for BBQ's, Birthdays, Reunions, any gathering of friends and family. So I need to put my ADHD aside for a moment.... stop being so anxious.... listen more.... I need to be ok with silence.
The funny thing I always do that I did not notice was hurting me was saying "If they want to tell me something, then they will bring it up in conversation." With all the books I have been reading the week I know how wrong that is. I need to ask more questions.... people don't open themselves up that easy (well I do). I do want to hear about peoples experiences. I love fun interesting stories about childhood. But I NEED to ask more questions. How come they dont teach this stuff in school?
I know I am opinionated and have a strong personality.... instead of calming down to the point where I am a different person.... I need to reserve that energy for the fun party loud nights with friends. The truth is I love everyone.... and I will miss EVERYONE if they leave my life. I guess I need to work on showing it.
I will start my saying thank you..... Thank you for putting up with me and still inviting me to come around. I love my In-laws.... really.... all of them.... they are so different from my family.. sometimes it makes me feel inadequate.... I wish them all the success int he world. And Thank You to a group of friends who took me in although I was the outsider/newbie. Its been years since I had a group of friends that I got so excited to see each weekend. I love their kids and they are amazing examples on parenthood. Thanks for making me break down my wall and camp.

I will leave you with one more thing:
The sense of belonging is a basic need and at the same time the answer to a question. We ask ourselves: What am I part of? And this question resembles- perhaps coincides with- another equally crucial question: Who am I? We belong to a family, a group, a society, a professional category; and the affiliation define us and give us reasons fro existing. Without this belonging, we would feel like nothing.
"The power of forgiveness" Piero Ferrucci